The words of support I receive on social media often give me much more motivation than people think. However one statement prevails time and time again - stay strong.
I stopped being strong a long time ago, I was broken the moment we were told that Lucie had serious problems. I cried for the child that I should of had and stressed about the future we were getting in return.
That stress has never left in the years since, the constant worry that something will go wrong. The constant planning of hospital appointments and other issues, without taking into account the extra care are just too much to bare.
I am not strong anymore, I am broken. I have been for a long time, just stuck together with whatever bonds I can muster on a specific day. The piggyback guy hangs around much of the time, and on the days he doesn’t make an appearance he’s not too far away.
I know I must continue, and to be frank I know no different. I would just like a day off please, some small reprise from the grind. Until then I’ll focus on the cuddles and the smiles I get to bring some sun shine.